Translation Issues
by Nigellica
Summary: When Snape needs help in brewing a parseltongue translating potion he turns to the only non-evil parselmouth he knows... Harry Potter. Who unfortunately is not known for his potions skills. Contains bad language. Rating may go up later.
1. In Which a Deal is Struck

**Hi everyone, now this is something new huh? A Harry Potter fanfic! Yeah I have been distracted by Harry Potter fanfics and the idea that wouldn't go away until I had to write this. I hope you enjoy it. Please don't kill me, I haven't read the books so my knowledge is based purely on the movies and other fanfics.**

**Remember if you kill me or burn me at the stake none of my stories will ever be updated again!**

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The Golden Trio sat in the great hall listening to their final Dumbledore welcome speech as students at the school of witchcraft and wizardry known as Hogwarts. All the usual teachers were there, Hagrid gave them a wink and a smile, Snape ignored all of the students in favour of glaring at the headmaster, the chair usually taken by the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher was currently empty. Harry was sure that the order was up to something on that point, having been conspicuously silent about it when he had asked.

Dumbledore was still talking when Hermione whispered to the others, "Now, we are not going to be getting as many detentions this year are we boys?"

"No 'Mione," they both answered in a quick whisper. The girl sat back with a satisfied smile.

"And I'm sure you're all wondering just who will be taking the post of Professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts, it is my great pleasure to welcome back Professor Lupin who has graciously agreed to take over the position," Dumbledore's eyes were twinkling madly as Harry grinned up at the rather bashful looking sandy haired man as he entered and took the empty seat.

There was a great cheer from most of the older students who remembered the werewolf and his teaching.

"Finally, bloody hell it'd have to be the last year they finally bring in a decent DADA teacher eh Harry?" Ron whispered.

"Yeah, took 'em long enough," he grinned at Remus as Dumbledore finished his speech and the food appeared.

"Guess they figure this'll be the last year they can really teach you to kill old you-know-who," Ron said stuffing his face, Hermione just shook her head at him.

"Snape looks pissed though, guess it's cuz he missed out on the DADA position again. The greasy old bat really should just give up, with Remus around he'll never get it," Harry grinned.

"Is that so Potter?" a silky voice asked.

"Um… no sir?" Harry didn't dare turn around, he hunched down.

"Well Mr Potter, I believe this is a school record, congratulations. That'll be detention tomorrow after dinner," Snape turned and stalked out of the great hall.

"Bad luck Harry," Ron said around a mouthful, "But at least you have the record mate. That's gotta count for something."

Harry groaned and slumped down in his seat.

ooooo

Oh joy. Another detention with Snape. How incredibly novel. It was only the first day and Harry Potter already had a night appointment in the dungeons. How fun.

Harry knocked on the door, taking the moment to glare and stick his tongue out at the door before resigning himself to his fate.

"Come in Mr Potter," the dark voice drawled.

The teen walked casually into the potion's room.

"You're late Mr Potter," Snape informed him, leaning forward on his hands.

"I wasn't when I left the tower," Harry shrugged whimsically.

The greasy haired professor leaned back in his chair sneering, "Mr Potter, I have a deal to offer you, however if you are going to insist on being disrespectful you can just as easily listen whilst cleaning cauldrons."

The boy-who-severely-wanted-to-continue-being-disrespectful looked surprised but wary, "What sort of deal sir?"

"Better Mr Potter," Snape waved his hand and the door was locked, warded and silenced, "Now, this is of the utmost secrecy, you are not even to tell Weasley or Granger. I have recently discovered a previously unknown potion in an old journal and have received permission from the headmaster to attempt brewing it. However, I find myself in the frustrating position of needing your assistance."

"Uh, sir if I may remind you, I'm not exactly adept at potions, hence the whole detention thing," Harry said raising an eyebrow.

"Potter I am well aware of your utter stupidity, however this potion is supposed to aid in translating both written and spoken parseltongue."

"Um…great?" Harry raised an eyebrow, not quite sure where the man was going.

"Oh for goodness sake Potter!" Snape snarled, "Don't you know anything? Translation magic can only be performed by someone who understands both languages. It is the same with a potion, it must be brewed by someone who understands both languages because it involves incantations in both."

"I guess that makes sense," Harry blinked, "So you just need me to read some incantations sir?"

"No Potter, unfortunately the potion is very temperamental and needs almost continuous incantations, therefore I shall need you nearby for the entire process," Snape sighed.

"Oh, you said something about a deal sir?"

"Indeed I did Potter, if you assist me in making this potion in secret all your detentions until Christmas will be served with me and consist of free time to study, work on assignments or anything else you see fit, they will be held here however so it must be within reason. Also any house points I deduct from you personally shall be replaced later by either myself or another teacher, does that sound reasonable to you Mr Potter?" Snape crossed his arms over his chest.

"When do we start?" Harry grinned.

"Tomorrow night during the detention for your earlier impertinence," the greasy haired man smirked at him.

"Just lucky I came prepared then," Harry smiled innocently, "Otherwise you'd have no reason to give me another detention."

"Oh I had faith you'd give me cause," Snape drawled.

ooooo

Harry Potter stormed into the Gryffindor common room muttering explosively.

Hermione Granger looked up from her book and sighed, "How'd the detention go Harry?"

He chose to throw a few more choice insults into the air before replying, "Bloody greasy git gave me another detention tomorrow night! As if I don't have more important things to do than clean his cauldrons."

"Bad luck mate," Ron looked sympathetic, "Nobody should have to spend their nights with the greasy old bat."

"Yeah I reckon."

Hermione pursed her lips disapprovingly, "You shouldn't speak about a Professor like that, it's disrespectful."

"Yeah apparently so is being late," Harry and Ron both rolled their eyes, "Well I'm stuffed, night."

"Night Harry."

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**So whaddaya reckon? Let me know eh?  
**


	2. In Which Snape Makes Many Discoveries

**Well here is the second one, I will most likely be trying to be patient and spacing out my updates so its not disappointing when the updates slow down...**

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The next night Harry was actually excited, as he sat at the Gryffindor table eating he was almost jiggling in his seat. He worked hard to hide his excitement from the others. For some reason detention with Snape was not an event usually looked forward to.

Ron raised an eyebrow at the squirming golden boy, "You alright mate?"

"What's the matter Potter? Got worms have you?" Malfoy stood smirking.

"While your concern for my arse is touching Malfoy, it's really none of your business," Harry said drily finishing his meal.

"What's that? Detention again have you Potter? If I didn't know better I'd say you were shagging my godfather," Draco sneered.

"Take that back you bastard!" Harry launched himself at the blonde.

"Harry! Harry! Calm down, everybody knows you're not. No one would want to touch that greasy git," Ron tried to calm him.

"And which greasy git would that be Mr Weasley?" Snape asked.

"Uh…" Ron looked around wildly, "Uh…Filch?"

"Well, as you are so interested in his personal life perhaps you should join him for detention tonight after dinner," he turned his sneer on Harry whose hands were still at the neck of the Slytherin prince, "And as you appear to be done eating Mr Potter I believe we can begin your detention early."

"But-"

"Come along Mr Potter," Snape billowed out the doors. Harry aimed a glare at Draco before following the man.

ooooo

"We may have a deal Mr Potter but do not provoke me," Snape hissed as soon as they entered the empty potion's lab, "If you cannot maintain at least the semblance of good behaviour you cannot honestly expect me to keep my end of the bargain. I am trusting you not to take advantage of this."

"Well then perhaps you should talk to your godson," Harry spat at the man, "It was his fault."

"Read this Potter and study it closely. Once you have read over it we shall go through correct pronunciation," Snape ignored him.

"Fine then be like that," Harry muttered. He looked excitedly at the parchment, eager for his first glimpse of written parseltongue and was sorely disappointed.

"Uh excuse me sir, where are the parseltongue incantations?"

"On the parchment Potter," the greasy haired man rolled his eyes.

"Which ones?" he asked confusedly.

"Gee I don't know Potter, maybe the ones in the undecipherable language of the snakes?" his words dripped sarcasm.

"They all look the same to me, how do I know I won't just read them in English?"

The tired look disappeared from the older man's eyes and the excitement at this discovery was plain to see, "Read Mr Potter, start from the top."

Harry's expression was dubious as he began to read, not noticing when his teacher's eyes began to glaze over.

"That'll do for now Potter," Snape said clearing his throat as he tried to calm himself.

"Are you alright sir?" the golden boy asked hearing his professors breathing quicken.

"I'm fine Potter, it seems that you speak and read parseltongue without realising, quite an interesting discovery," the teacher had turned his back and was striding to sit at his desk, "Now try to read through the entire parchment in your head. Once I have finished grading these we can go through pronunciation of the incantations in English, as you appear to do it without realising I am sure the parseltongue pronunciation will come naturally."

Harry had read through the incantations five times before Snape finally set aside his grading.

"Alright Potter come here and read through it aloud," he instructed.

Harry sat at the desk opposite and began to read with Snape correcting him occasionally, almost absently.

Severus Snape had rather hoped that they could skip the parseltongue incantations, sitting there listening to his young student hissing in the sensual language was doing things to his anatomy that were rather inappropriate for the whole event. He could feel the lust building and pushing towards his lower regions, he almost groaned when he realised the low hissing would be continuous while he was making the potion, how the hell was he supposed to be able to focus on making some potion while that voice was trying to demand he bend his most despised student over the desk and make him call his name again and again in that beautiful hissing?

He was brought out of his thoughts when the sound stopped suddenly.

"How was that Professor?" Harry asked smiling.

Unbelievable, incredible, orgasmic, mind numbingly sexy.

"Adequate Potter, run through it twice more just to be sure," Snape told him without a changing expression.

The dark haired boy scowled and began reading again.

While Severus Snape moved off into his own little fantasy world once more.

ooooo

"Alright Mr Potter, at no point are you to stop reading, if you finish start once again at the top. If you need a break for any reason let me know and I will put the potion in stasis temporarily," Snape instructed, "I won't be able to say anything once I start brewing so if I need to say anything I will put it in stasis and let you know. Any questions?"

"No sir," Harry's eyes practically glowed with excitement.

In his mind Snape could see them glowing for a whole other reason.

No, he shook himself out of it, "Very well Potter, please begin."

The dark haired boy began reading and Snape tried to tune him out as he began adding the ingredients.

It was then that he heard it.

A slight mistake.

Something so small it seemed not even to be a mistake.

Snape's eyes widened in horror as the potion made an unexpected colour change. He tried to cast the stasis spell over it but the potion was too far in its reaction to be stopped. He gestured at the boy who was too far absorbed in his reading to notice anything.

"Harry! No! Get out!" Snape began to run and everything seemed to move in slow motion. Harry looked up and stopped mid hiss he dropped the parchment and ran but they were both too slow. They both heard and felt the explosion but nothing more.

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**Hope you liked it! Please let me know Tis my first HP fanfic.  
**


	3. Which is Full of Confusion

**Hope you like it**

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**Chapter Three: Which is full of Confusion**

Severus Snape woke up in the infirmary, he looked around and groaned as he remembered what happened, "Bloody Potter."

"Ah Severus you're awake, good," Poppy Pomfrey bustled over to look at him, "No strange pains or any other ill effects?"

"No Poppy I'm fine, where's Potter? Is he awake?" Snape asked irritably.

"He hasn't woken up yet but he should be fine," she smiled going to check on her other charge.

"Good. I'm going to murder him."

ooooo

Harry could hear voices. They sounded familiar but he couldn't understand a word they were saying. He tried to remember exactly what it was that had rendered him in the hospital wing once more.

He remembered eating dinner, then attacking Malfoy and then… oh the potion. How could he possibly have forgotten that horrified look in Snape's eyes as the man ran at him. What had gone wrong? It couldn't possibly have been Snape's potion making skills, the man was legendary. And he had pronounced every word exactly the same as he had in the practice runs and Snape hadn't picked up anything any of the other times. Unless it was something in the parseltongue?

He sat up in bed suddenly, maybe he had somehow managed to screw up the parseltongue incantations. Of course Snape couldn't have told him he was doing it wrong, the man didn't know.

He groaned.

It was all his fault, as usual.

The voices got closer, they were arguing but still Harry couldn't make out the words. He opened his eyes to see Madam Pomfrey and Professor Snape standing on either side of his bed.

Madam Pomfrey seemed to be asking him a question in some strange language. Harry raised an eyebrow at her and shook his head uncomprehendingly.

She had a look at his ears and then repeated her question again more slowly.

Harry laughed, _"Try repeating it in English m'am."_

The two teachers looked surprised.

Snape said something in the strange language and Harry got frustrated.

He'd get them speaking in English, _"Why don't you say that so I can understand it you greasy old bat?"_

They stared at him, _"Look this is getting really annoying can't you guys just talk normally?"_

ooooo

To say they were shocked was an understatement.

When Poppy heard the groan she moved over to Harry's bedside to talk to him while Snape stood and walked to the other side. Poppy glared at him but said nothing.

"Are you alright Harry? No strange aches or pains?" she asked gently.

Harry raised an eyebrow at her and shook his head as if he didn't understand. She had a quick look at his ears but nothing seemed damaged, no doubt his head was a little shaken from the impact. God knows he had enough reason to be, the whole castle had shaken from the blast, luckily the centre of the explosion had an almost eye of the storm calm to it.

"Are. You. Alright. Harry?" she asked slowly, exaggerating each word.

He laughed sibilantly and hissed at them.

Poppy and Snape exchanged confused looks, why had he felt the need to reply in parseltongue?

"Alright Potter you've had your fun now be serious, are you alright?" Snape said carefully.

Harry said something again in the hissing language and looked at Snape expectantly, what was he supposed to say? Come on Potter, you, me and the dungeons right now? Hardly. So he settled for just staring.

The hissing got more frustrated.

"Poppy? I think you'd better send for the headmaster," Snape said slowly.

Harry was beginning to look scared now.

"_Alright, why are you guys doing this? Why won't you talk normally? You're kinda starting to scare me,"_ Harry said almost desperately.

"Potter what have you done?" Snape breathed.

It was another few moments before Dumbledore arrived, eyes twinkling.

"Alright now Severus what seems to be the problem?"

Snape looked at him, "I was hoping you might know."

"_Oh no not you too sir!"_ Harry looked horrified, _"Professor Dumbledore sir can't you get them to speak normally? I can't understand a word they're saying."_

"Oh my," the headmaster said looking a little surprised, "Has he been doing this long?"

"He hasn't spoken a word in English since he woke up," Poppy confirmed worriedly.

"I think it is fairly safe to assume he doesn't understand us either," Dumbledore said watching the boy almost in tears as he tried to communicate with them.

"Albus, he doesn't even realise when he is speaking parseltongue, it is quite possible he doesn't realise he is even doing it," Snape informed him.

"Oh my, this is serious," the old man's brows furrowed, "If he has any visions not only will he not be able to understand them but he won't be able to tell us either, and that's just the beginning."

"How are we going to reverse it?" Poppy asked in a businesslike tone.

Snape shrugged helplessly, "I don't know, he was helping me with an experimental potion, I don't know how to even begin to counter it."

"I think the safest course for the moment might be to wait and see if it wears off. If after a month he shows no sign of improvement then we shall try working on something to reverse it," Dumbledore said decisively.

"But what is he going to do until then?" Snape asked raising an eyebrow at the boy hissing angrily at them.

"Attend his classes, play quidditch, all the sorts of things teenage boys do I assume," the old headmaster's eyes twinkled madly.

"But he won't understand a thing," Snape protested.

"Maybe if he is immersed in an English speaking environment it might start to come back to him," Poppy suggested hesitantly.

"Perhaps, anyway Mr Potter, I think it is best you stay here for one more night under observation and then you can return to your friends in the tower," Dumbledore told him pleasantly.

"Uh Albus? He can't understand you," Snape reminded him rolling his eyes.

"Ah yes, of course, well good luck Poppy, I shall come check on him tomorrow before you let him go if you don't mind," she nodded at him, "Oh and Severus I think you had better come up to my office and we can come up with a story."

"_Fine you bastards! Be like that see if I care! I don't! I'll talk to Hermione and Ron when they get here!"_ Harry fumed.

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**Righto let me know what you thought!**


	4. In Which Ron says Silly Things

**Hi here's another chapter for peoples. Sorry it took a while to put it up but I've had a bit of shit happening in real life. Sorry.**

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**Chapter Four: In Which Ron says silly Things**

Ron and Hermione burst in through the doors of the hospital wing and ran straight to Harry's usual bed.

"Harry bloody hell mate! What did you do?" Ron asked, his eyes wide.

"Filch and I felt that from all the way up in the astronomy tower."

Harry groaned and Ron wrinkled his nose, "Yeah you're right, that didn't sound too good did it?"

Hermione rolled her eyes and pulled Harry into a hug, "Harry what's wrong? Are you alright? What happened?"

She checked him over for any noticeable injuries.

"Yeah mate, how'd you manage to blow up detention and can you teach me?"

"_Oh fuck not you guys too!"_ he groaned, _"Has everybody suddenly lost the ability to speak normally?"_

Hermione looked at him chidingly, "Harry you know we can't understand parseltongue, speak normally."

"I'm afraid that doesn't seem to be possible at the moment Ms. Granger," Madam Pomfrey bustled in to explain, "He seems to have lost the ability to speak and understand English."

Hermione gasped and looked at Harry covering her mouth in shock.

"Harry mate is that true?" Ron breathed and the bushy haired girl gave him a quick slap to the back of the head.

Despite himself Harry chuckled sibilantly.

"Idiot Ron he can't understand you," Hermione rolled her eyes and pulled Harry into another hug which he settled into gratefully.

"_Thanks Hermione,"_ He whispered, _"Even if you can't understand me."_

Because by now he was certain that was true. It seemed for some reason he couldn't understand anyone and they couldn't understand him for some odd reason, maybe it had something to do with the potion. At first he had thought that perhaps he had just damaged his ears, that was until he had called Snape a greasy old bat and gotten no reaction. He had to admit, that had made him feel good.

Hermione just pulled back and looked him in the eyes, feeling him relax she smiled, it would be useless to say anything at the moment, that would most likely just upset him she knew, but the urge to say something comforting was almost overwhelming.

"Severus said he doesn't realise when he speaks in parseltongue, is that true?" Madam Pomfrey asked curiously.

"Yep," Ron told her grinning, "He could never work out why people's eyes would start glazing ov-"

"Oh bloody hell," Ron interrupted himself, "People are going to be all over him. Especially the Slytherins."

He groaned and Hermione gasped, "Ron this is way worse than that! Harry doesn't realise he's speaking in parseltongue! He probably thinks we're the ones talking weirdly!"

Ron looked shocked, understanding suddenly dawning in his eyes, "No wonder he's upset."

"I have to go read up and see if I can find anything to help him with this," Hermione said frantically. She turned to Harry and mimed reading and then jerked her thumb in the direction of the library. He grinned at her and she gave him a quick hug before heading to the door dragging Ron who gave him a quick wave.

"Ms. Granger and Mr Weasley," Snape's voice said from the doorway, "Breakfast is almost over, classes will be starting soon."

"Of course sir," Hermione answered, she hesitated slightly, "Sir I don't think Harry realises he is speaking parseltongue, I think he believes we are speaking a different language. We were wondering if you would know anyway we might be able to communicate with him?"

"I'm afraid not Ms. Granger, there is no way to translate parseltongue without the aid of a parselmouth and the only other known parselmouth is-"

"Voldemort I know," she finished and the other two glared at her, she rolled her eyes.

"You had better run along to classes, Mr Potter will be along to join you shortly."

"Harry is going to classes?" Ron asked surprised.

"Well we can't exactly keep him isolated in the hospital wing now can we?" Snape replied sarcastically.

"No sir," Ron hesitated, not exactly wanting to bring this up with the greasy bat of the dungeons, "But, um, do you know the effect Harry's parseltongue has on a lot of the student population?"

Snape almost gaped at him for a moment, "What are you talking about Weasley?"

"What he's trying to say sir is that the majority of the student body find Harry's parseltongue to be very attractive and often arousing," Hermione said very matter-of-factly, getting a slight blush from Snape and the full colouring from Ron, "Are you sure it's a good idea to set him loose among the students?"

"I'm sure young Harry will be able to handle himself Ms Granger," Dumbledore told her smiling, "If anybody can, he can. Now I think you had better go or you will be late."

He handed each of them a note and winked. Underneath each note was a pass to the restricted area of the library.

"Thank you sir," Hermione beamed pulling Ron after her.

"Remarkable pair those children, he's lucky to have them," Dumbledore grinned mischievously.

"Quite, did you know Potter probably thinks we are the ones speaking another language?" Snape asked watching the boy eat his breakfast.

"Ah of course, I should have realised," Dumbledore smiled at the boy, "No wonder he seemed so very upset. How remarkable."

"Well Harry it's time for your classes," the headmaster told him handing him a timetable.

Of course Harry couldn't actually read it, but he recognised what it was.

"_So you want me to go to classes then?"_ Harry hissed pointing at the timetable and pointing to the door.

Dumbledore nodded and handed him a note for his lateness, he waved his arm and Harry was dressed in a clean uniform with his book bag beside him on the bed.

The boy smiled at him and picked up his bag, running for the door.

Now maybe he could see if anyone else was unaffected.

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**Let me know what you thought, remember this is my first non-Naruto fanfic so feedback is great even just to say whether or not you like it.  
**


	5. In which classes are Interrupted

**Sorry, Life's insane. Enjoy.**

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He walked into his transfiguration class late, wordlessly handing the note to McGonagall before taking the seat Hermione had saved for him, unfortunately right at the front.

"Thank you Mr Potter, today we are-"

Hermione raised her hand quickly.

"Yes Ms Granger?"

"Professor McGonagall m'am Harry won't be able to understand a word you say," she explained.

"Ah yes, I forgot about that, please continue your work everyone," she instructed.

Harry sat there scowling, obviously whatever was happening had affected McGonagall too, he couldn't understand a word she was saying. Hermione shot him a sympathetic look and continued her reading.

McGonagall walked over to Harry pulling out his transfiguration book and opening it to the right page, she pointed at it and looked at Harry intently.

She gestured at the lines and then held up a hand in a 'do you understand?' kind of gesture.

He looked at it hopelessly shaking his head, _"I'm sorry Professor I can't understand a word of it."_

Suddenly the room was silent as everything stopped, Harry looked around in confusion, everyone was looking at him almost hungrily.

"Oh bloody hell," Ron muttered, "I knew this would happen."

McGonagall looked at the expressions around the room and then clicked her fingers in front of Harry to get his attention, she gave him the international gesture for no speaking and he nodded, still very confused.

Classes really weren't very interesting when you couldn't understand a word. He sat through transfiguration watching the others reading and taking notes. Wow he was going to have a lot to catch up on when things got back to normal.

"Well then class dismissed, please hand in your essays at the beginning of class next Monday, I shall see you all then," McGonagall dismissed them and Hermione tugged on Harry's sleeve to indicate the end of class.

He gave her a slight smile and packed up his book to follow her.

He groaned as they entered the History of Magic classroom full of Slytherins. Just what he needed.

"It's alright Harry, just ignore them," Hermione told him.

He couldn't understand what she said but the tone of voice was very soothing and Harry felt himself relax and he smiled at his friend, she always knew what to do.

"Geez Potty, what'd you do with Snape last night? You guys shook the whole castle, should I be buying a wedding gift?" Malfoy sneered.

Harry ignored him as he brushed past to take his seat, Draco was momentarily taken aback and Ron and Hermione held back their laughter.

"What am I already too late? I'm insulted, not even invited to the wedding of my own godfather," Malfoy tried again.

Harry couldn't understand a word he was saying but the tone was unmistakable. He turned to Draco and raised an eyebrow, _"What'd Crabbe and Goyle forget to give you your morning blow job today ferret? You're even more irritable than usual you pompous overbearing git."_ Harry hissed silkily not realising the effect it would have on the entire class.

Ron groaned again, "Merlin I hope that wasn't what it sounded like."

"What did you say Potter?" Draco choked out.

Hermione tried not to laugh, "Don't get your hopes up I'm pretty sure it was an insult Malfoy."

"Didn't bloody sound like it," Blaise Zabini smirked, "It was bloody sexy whatever it was."

"I reckon," Seamus agreed grinning, "If that was an insult I can't wait to hear him compliment someone."

"My thoughts exactly," Blaise grinned at the Irishman.

Harry looked about to go into shock, he couldn't understand the words but it sounded awfully like Seamus and the Slytherin Blaise were propositioning each other.

"_Bloody hell," _he swore shaking his head, _"This just keeps getting weirder and weirder."_

Malfoy's eyes were glazed and he looked about ready to tackle him, Harry made the rather easy decision of avoiding the Slytherin for the rest of…oh let's say eternity.

Harry sat and ignored everyone for the entire class which was not all that difficult seeing as he couldn't understand a word they were saying. Oddly enough History of Magic was no different whether he could understand it or not, which tells you what he thought of the class usually.

He took the opportunity to take his regular pre-lunch nap, slumping back in his seat Harry closed his eyes and just let all the alien noises wash over him, he suddenly realised how much everyone was saying with just their tone of voice and intonations. He may not understand the words but he could hear the emotions behind every word. It was kinda interesting.

Hermione almost elbowed Harry to tell him to pay attention as she usually did on a Wednesday, until she remembered he wouldn't understand anything anyway. She sighed, poor Harry, it was always him. Why couldn't something happen to Malfoy for once? Or a Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw or something? It always had to be Harry, perhaps because Harry was always able to handle what would send a normal person insane.

Still, it didn't seem fair, and was downright dangerous.

As the class finished Hermione gently shook Harry and then woke Ron a bit more roughly. It served him right, he at least should have been paying attention.

Harry yawned and rubbed his eyes as he woke from his little nap. Hermione was waking Ron and the rest of the class was stirring and leaving. Harry moved to pack up before he realised he hadn't even bothered to unpack his books, it was an exercise in futility, it kind of scared him that he couldn't even understand his books.

He hoped Snape would do something soon, the greasy git was his only chance to fix things, too bad he had just ruined the man's potion….

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**Please say stuff. Kbye.  
**


	6. In Which Harry has a Bit of Fun

**Hey guys hope you like it, let me know eh? I love reading your comments :D**

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**Chapter Six: In Which Harry has a Bit of Fun**

It was creepy.

Word had gone around and everyone was watching Harry intently, waiting for something.

He could see the looks but what they were waiting for was totally beyond him. It was weird. And creepy.

Professor Dumbledore stood up to address everyone.

"I am sure you all felt the explosion last night and are most likely eager for an explanation. Last night during a detention due to an accident several potions were mixed together resulting in an explosion. Due to this rather unfortunate event one of our students, young Mr Potter is currently only able to speak and understand parseltongue. No one is to attempt to take advantage of this in any way or there shall be stern punishments," the headmaster sat down as if nothing had happened.

"Go on Harry, say something," Seamus grinned.

Harry almost choked on his food, was that what it sounded like? Was Seamus Finnegan flirting with him?

"_Oh for fucks sake! What the hell is going on here?"_ Harry hissed ignoring everyone.

"Oh Harry come sit by us!" One of the girls called from the other end of the table.

"No Harry come join us!" People began yelling from everywhere.

"_Fucking bloody hell!"_ Harry yelled, _"Fine, I'm going flying, if any teacher objects please say so now clearly and understandably."_

He titled his head to listen, _"No? Good."_

With that he stormed out of the Great Hall, _"Accio Firebolt,"_ he mumbled.

Boarding the broom he took off into the air. Enough was enough. Bloody weirdoes, was enough to drive anyone nuts.

"Harry you know you're not allowed to-" Hermione yelled after him.

"_I'm terribly sorry Mione but I can't understand a word you're saying,"_ he yelled cheerfully.

"Harry! Harry! Ooooh!" she looked around hopelessly then covered her face with her hands, "And I thought we were going to try not to get detentions…."

"What's that?" Ron came up behind her still finishing off his lunch.

She whimpered, "I need to go study."

ooooo

Harry spent the rest of lunch and free period flying around until his body relaxed and his mind finally felt clear enough to go back and face his punishment. More out of habit than anything he grabbed his books and headed to Charms. Merlin knew there was no point.

He sat through another class of people speaking weirdly and waving their wands by daydreaming.

In his daydreams he captured Wormtail and exonerated Sirius and when the man was finally free to leave the house they travelled all around the world exploring everything leaving Voldemort to be killed and fed to his followers.

"_Know what Mione? Me being in this class is fucking pointless. Actually me going to classes at all is fucking pointless. Maybe I should go do something else, what do you think?"_ Harry said in a questioning tone.

"Umm I don't know what you said Harry but I'm sure things will work out soon," she told him in an uncertain voice, it was hard to answer when you couldn't understand the question.

"_Oh don't look so worried Mione, I'm not actually going to do it. I was just wondering what you'd say. You know I haven't seen Remus since he got here? Probably because of the full moon last night, I don't know who's covering his classes. Maybe we should go visit him after class…although I don't know that I'd like it if I couldn't understand him, that'd make things kinda bad eh?"_ he chatted away to himself.

"Alright Harry, if you want to talk you just go ahead, I'll listen even if I can't understand," Hermione promised with a smile.

"_Sirius must be going out of his mind without Remus there. He would hate to miss the full moon, that was always one of the things he felt worst about in Azkaban you know," _he confided, _"He always wished he could be there to help Remus. Actually I wouldn't be surprised if they were shagging. Be good for both of them, I don't think either of them will ever find anyone better out there than each other, no one else would understand."_

"Mr Potter can you please stop talking," Flitwick asked him with a look, "You are distracting my students."

"I'll tell him sir," Hermione said. She tapped Harry on the shoulder to get his attention before miming for him to stop talking.

"_Oh sorry Mione, you probably didn't want to hear about their sex lives did you? Don't worry I'll be quiet now,"_ he grinned, it was kinda fun being able to say anything.

"Thank you Ms Granger," the professor nodded.

The rest of the class passed even more slowly with his imposed silence. He sat and watched his classmates trying to learn whatever the charm was that was scrawled across the board in rather incomprehensible writing.

He groaned and put his head on the desk.

"It's alright Harry," Hermione soothed, "Class is almost over."

He ignored her.

"Class dismissed, I shall see you all first thing tomorrow morning," the short teacher dismissed them.

"Come on Harry lets go do something before dinner," Ron grinned poking the boy in the shoulder.

"_What's that Ron? You're gay with Malfoy? Whatever floats your boat mate,"_ Harry said standing up.

"Maybe chess might be a good idea, you don't have to talk for that," Hermione suggested.

"_I'm surprised you're so supportive Mione, I thought you guys were kinda together,"_ he grinned at them.

"Come on mate, I'll play a round with you," Ron grabbed and dragged him away.

"_You don't have to prove it to me Ron, I believe you already,"_ Harry said mildly.

"Mr Potter," a dark voice called through the corridors and Ron froze causing Harry to run into the back of him.

"Professor Snape sir," Ron said.

"Mr Weasley, please continue, I need to talk to Mr Potter," Severus Snape ordered folding his arms, a look a disdain on his face.

Hermione came up behind them and steered her boyfriend up to the common room.

Harry raised an eyebrow and stared at him, _"I know Malfoy's your godson but you don't have to get that upset."_

"Mr Potter stop your inane hissing and listen to me. Thanks to that stupid stunt you pulled during lunch you have a standing appointment in the dungeons for the rest of the week, including the weekend, do I make myself clear?" Snape looked as though he'd rather be anywhere else.

Harry's expression was amused, if he didn't know better he'd say Snape was… worried, _"Listen professor, I'm sure they're not that stupid. Hermione would make sure Ron didn't pound into your godson without protection."_

Snape's eyes narrowed, "Mr Potter, this is a serious matter."

The professor's tone was wary, Harry laughed, _"As if Malfoy would ever top him professor, get real."_

Snape just looked even angrier, he mimed cleaning a cauldron and pointed towards the dungeons.

Harry looked at him in understanding, he cast tempus and shrugged.

Snape put up eight fingers.

Harry nodded and smirked, he mimed cleaning a cauldron and shook his head grinning, _"We had a deal professor,"_ he winked as he walked away.

Professor Snape stood frozen in the hallway, what the hell had just happened?

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**Hey hope you liked it please review ;)  
**


	7. In Which Things Become Clearer

**Hey sorry its been a while but I've been away on holidays anyway here you go! THe next chapter, enjoy!**

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**Chapter Seven: In which things become clearer**

Harry walked into the Gryffindor common room which seemed to be completely full with members of all houses.

Ron pushed his way through the crowd to grab Harry and pull him over to where he had the chess board set up.

"Harry!"

"Over here Harry!"

"Look will you lot just clear out? He doesn't understand a word you're saying, will you just get that through your thick skulls?" Ron bellowed standing on a chair.

"Thank you Mr Weasley," McGonagall said as she walked into the common room, "Don't all of you have things you should be doing?"

Students filtered out of the room sheepishly.

"Mr Weasley, can I rely on you and Ms Granger to keep an eye on Mr Potter until things return to normal?"

"Yes Professor," Ron said.

"Thank you," she left the two boys to their game.

"_You know what Ron? You are bloody brilliant, I have been trying to figure out what I could possibly do during detention, perhaps Snape will play me,"_ Harry said thoughtfully.

ooooo

After another creepy meal Harry shrunk his chess set and walked down to the dungeons for another detention. He knocked.

"Come in Potter."

Harry grinned and stood there, he knew what would have been said but just in case he stood there. He heard a sigh and some muttering so he wiped away his grin and stood there politely.

"You're enjoying this aren't you brat?" Snape snapped at him opening the door to let the boy in.

Harry stood there looking at him expectantly.

"Alright Mr Potter, I know we had a deal but I don't know what you are going to do now," Snape told him taking a seat behind his desk.

Harry walked over to the desk directly in front of his and turned his back on the professor pulling out and setting up the chess set before returning to its regular size and revealing it to his professor looking at him innocently.

Why was Harry bloody Potter standing in front of his desk wiggling his Quidditch toned backside? Snape glared at his student who seemed to be going out of his way to arouse his potions master.

He stood aside and revealed the chess set tilting his head at Snape in question. He gestured to the board and shrugged.

Snape looked at the puny miserable excuse for a chess set and sneered, before he knew it he had waved his wand and the set was packed up, shrunk and back in Potter's pocket.

"Come with me Potter, if you are going to inflict your pathetic wizard's chess skills on me it will at least occur on a decent board."

He led the confused boy out of the potions room and down a few hallways twisting and turning with absolute certainty.

As they passed one hallway Harry froze.

"_My my, the students seem to get uglier every year. Why did you bother to bring them here Draco? These really are the most hideous bunch yet. My goodness, your ears are enormous young man, can you fly with those?"_

Harry turned and ran to where he heard the voice coming from. There stood Draco Malfoy surrounded by first years in front of a portrait of Salazar Slytherin.

"_Who was just speaking and why can I understand you?"_ Harry panted looking around wildly.

The students looked at him confused and the portrait raised an eyebrow, _"I was speaking, you must be Harry Potter."_

"_Yeah whatever, why can I understand you?"_

"_Young man, use some manners,"_ Slytherin sniffed indignantly, _"Or I won't tell you anything."_

Harry got his breathing under control, _"Please sir, why is it I can understand you if I can't understand anyone else?"_

Salazar looked at him raising an eyebrow once more, _"Because you're a parseltongue of course, I thought you knew that."_

The dark haired boy looked confused, _"What does that have to do with anything?"_

The portrait looked at him and burst out laughing, he looked at the stunned first years and aroused Malfoy, _"He stands here having a conversation in parseltongue and asks what that has to do with anything. Some saviour of the world you've found yourselves."_

"_What do you mean? I'm not speaking in parseltongue,"_ he shook his head before his eyes widened in realisation, _"Am I?"_

Salazar Slytherin looked highly amused, _"Of course you are, didn't you realise that?"_

"_That's why no one can understand me!"_ he started pacing up and down, _"That's why I can't read anything. It must have been the explosion!"_

"_That explosion was you? What happened?"_ he asked with a certain professional curiosity.

"_I don't know, I just woke up and couldn't understand a thing anyone was saying."_

"_What was it that you were making though?"_

"_Snape was working on a potion to translate parseltongue, that's why I was helping, I think he wants to be able to read some of your journals or something, research or whatever, anyway, it exploded and that's all I remember,"_ Harry explained.

Slytherin chuckled lightly then burst out laughing, _"I think I know the potion you are talking about. When Godric and I first tried it he was stuck speaking Chinese for three months. It wouldn't have been so bad but the only three phrases he knew in Chinese were, 'hello' 'goodbye' and 'who farted?' It was hilarious for me, Ric wasn't so happy. Although I have to say it gets a bit off-putting when the only thing your partner can say during sex is 'Who farted?'"_

He burst out into a fresh round of laughter.

Harry choked and stared at the man in the portrait, feared founder of Hogwarts, _"You…you were…with…"_

Slytherin smirked and raised an eyebrow, _"Shagging with Godric Gryffindor? As a matter of fact yes."_

"Potter! What on earth do you think you are doing?" A voice hissed down the corridor, "I turn my back for one moment!"

"Ah Severus, come to visit me as well?" Slytherin greeted him, "I have so many visitors tonight, I was just having a very interesting conversation with young Mr Potter myself."

Snape glared at the students, "I think it is time you all went back to the dorms, Mr Malfoy."

"Come on," Draco gulped and led the students away down the corridor, peeking back over his shoulder before he turned the corner.

"Why didn't I think of this before?" Snape groaned, "Of course you can understand the boy."

"Indeed Severus, you really need to be more careful next time, if it explodes at the wrong time that particular potion will temporarily wipe all knowledge and memories of all languages but one. Not much of an issue if you only speak one language but for those of us who are multilingual it can really mess with things." The portrait said very seriously.

Snape groaned, "And it was all my fault too, I was distracted when Harry was running through the incantations and didn't notice he was mispronouncing something."

"Ahh," Slytherin said in understanding, "Always did have a weakness for parseltongue didn't you Severus?" He smirked at the current head of his house.

Snape glared at him, "You better not say anything about it to Potter."

Salazar laughed, "He wouldn't believe me anyway. Is there anything you'd like to say to him?"

"Just make sure he knows what's happened and tell him he can leave now," Snape turned and swept away.

"_Wait!"_ Harry cried out.

"Severus wait, I think Mr Potter has something to say to you," Slytherin smirked again, _"What is it Harry?"_

The boy blushed and looked at the floor, _"I don't know where I am."_

Salazar laughed, _"Well your professor can lead you out in a minute, remember how to get back here in case you want to talk to me, although I might come visit you in one of the portraits closer to Ric's dormitories if you like. It is probably better not to venture into the snake's lair, particularly if you are going to be speaking their language."_

"_I'm sorry sir but I don't understand what you mean,"_ Harry said looking in confusion at the portrait.

Salazar Slytherin looked at him, _"Maybe you don't at that. Although most people are not overly fond of snakes, it is quite a different thing to hear their language coming from the mouth of a person. Particularly someone attractive such as yourself,"_ Harry blushed, _"My Slytherin's in particular are rather sensitive to the sound, I would be careful of how much you speak around them, it is a rather sultry sound that affects them all in one place."_

He raised an eyebrow at the furiously blushing boy, _"Do you understand Harry?"_

"_That ah, that clarifies things a bit,"_ Harry blushed even more.

"_Severus wanted me to make sure you knew what was happening and ask if there is anything you need to tell him,"_ Slytherin told him, then smirked, _"And of course let you know that the reason the potion exploded was because he was so aroused by your parseltongue he didn't notice you were screwing up the incantation."_

Harry choked and glared at him, _"That's not true and don't say things like that! That's just… no."_

Salazar laughed at him, _"Alright, anything you needed to say?"_

"_Umm, just can he lead me out of the dungeons? Oh and apologise for screwing up his potion I know how much he wanted to get it right,"_ Harry ran his fingers through his hair nervously.

"_I already told you it wasn't your fault,"_ Harry glared, _"Oh alright."_

"Severus, Harry was wondering if you could lead him out of the dungeons as he is completely lost. He also wants me to apologise to you for messing up your potion, I told him that wasn't necessary but he didn't believe me."

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**Hope you liked it! Let me know what you thought!  
**


	8. In Which Harry Finds a New Perspective

**Hey sorry its a bit late everyone but I have been busy self destructing at the moment :D Hope you all enjoy it. Let me know what you think!**

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**Chapter Eight: In Which Harry Finds a New Perspective**

Harry had given up on trying to give the fat lady the password, luckily she would accept anything from him, she knew who he was and let him through anyway.

"_Open the fuck up,"_ he said when he reached the top of the stairs.

"_I have it on good authority that that is not actually the correct password,"_ Salazar smirked, _"Took you a while to get here."_

"_What on earth did you decide to make the dungeons a maze for? They're insane, I'm glad I wasn't a Slytherin,"_ Harry told him smirking slightly.

"_So am I,"_ Slytherin sniffed,_ "You are far more suited to Godric with your minimal brains and nice body and terrific stamina and-"_

"_Slytherin!"_ Harry interrupted blushing with a horrified look, _"I really don't want to know anything about…anything."_

The founder burst out laughing, _"Such a prude for one so young. If you want to tell anyone anything I can play interpreter for a while longer if you like."_

"_Oh thank you!"_ Harry grinned as the portrait opened,_ "That'd be great."_

"_Oh and Harry?"_ He ducked his head back around the corner, _"Call me Sal."_

Inside the common room were a few students sitting around watching the door, he finally recognised what was happening and ignored all of them in favour of walking over to Ron and Hermione who were quietly reading in the corner. Harry recognised one of his charmed Quidditch magazines which looked for all intents and purposes like a potion's textbook.

"_Ron, Hermione you have to come quick I found this portrait of Slytherin and he can understand me and agreed to be interpreter and he can…"_ they both looked at him tolerantly he shut his mouth and grabbed both of their arms pulling them after him, out to the portrait where the fat lady usually stood.

"Mione, why is Slytherin guarding our dorms?" Ron asked in confusion.

"Umm excuse me sir but why are you here?" Hermione asked curiously.

"_What are they saying?"_ Harry asked impatiently.

Salazar laughed, _"They are basically wondering why the fuck Salazar Slytherin is guarding the Gryffindor dormitories."_

Hermione's eyes widened in understanding, "Sir, can you interpret between Harry and everyone else?"

"Why whatever gave you that idea my dear?" Sal grinned mischievously.

"Oh Harry!" She pulled him into a hug, "We've been so worried about you did you realise you were speaking parseltongue? How did it really happen? You have detention all week, even the weekend, you shouldn't have gone out flying without permission like that, you have to go to all your classes but its silly, we need to go visit Professor Lupin sometime, we haven't been allowed to yet because of the full moon, we haven't heard anything about Sirius yet, I don't know if Remus knows about you or not. We can't tell him the real story even if you tell us, I haven't found anything useful in the library yet, you're missing a lot of work," she paused for breath.

"Woah, hold up a little, I have to actually repeat it to him he doesn't understand just by me being here, what are the most important things?" Slytherin said blinking.

Hermione took a deep breath and calmed slightly, "First off does he know he is speaking in parseltongue?"

"He didn't but he does now."

"Thank you, he has detention for the rest of the week including the weekend, with Professor Snape," she continued.

Sal smirked at Harry, _"Apparently you have detention with Severus for the rest of the week, including the weekend. Something about you shouldn't have gone flying?"_

Harry swore, _"Yeah, oh well, I knew I wouldn't get away with it. Gives me something to do anyway."_

"Ok, what else does he need to know?" the portrait asked looking at Ron.

"I think he'll want to know that we can't visit Remus until tomorrow at the earliest because of the full moon, we don't know what the deal is with Sirius yet but we can ask tomorrow afternoon. Oh and we still expect him at Quidditch practice, we need our seeker," Ron grinned.

"_Well apparently there are rules about visiting someone called Remus and you can't see him until tomorrow at the earliest so you are going tomorrow afternoon to ask about someone called Sirius and you are expected at Quidditch practices no matter your verbal abilities,"_ Sal told him, _"Oh and the redhead thinks you're hot and the brunette is asking about the possibility of a threesome."_

Harry snorted,_ "Whatever you reckon Sal, you were going well until you got to the end."_

He grinned,_ "Is there anything you'd like to tell them while I'm here?"_

"_Ummm thanks?"_ Harry said thoughtfully.

"He told me to say thank you," Salazar said to them, leaning against the frame.

Hermione gave the boy-who-lived a hug and Ron clapped him on the shoulder.

"You're welcome Harry, we're just glad you're not alone anymore."

"_They said they're happy for you, Severus has a sexy voice and he'll be good for you,"_ Sal told him yawning slightly.

Harry fixed him with a glare, _"You're bloody lucky I'm the only one who can understand you."_

ooooo

Now that he understood what was going on Harry ignored everyone and ate breakfast silently. Charms went by in a whirl of gibberish around Harry's little bubble of self imposed silence. Along the way to potions though, Slytherin decided to stalk them through the various portraits.

"_So you have class with Severus now eh?"_ Sal smirked as he followed dodging painted people.

"_Yes, we have potions unfortunately, although now that I can't understand a word maybe I'll actually go better,"_ Harry snorted.

"_What? You keep getting distracted by his deep sexy voice eh?"_ he asked with a completely straight face.

"_What?"_ Harry squeaked in a very manly way, _"Since when has Snape's voice been considered sexy? Did I miss something?"_

"_Obviously!"_ Sal snorted, _"Have you never listened to the man? What is wrong with the younger generation? For goodness sake, I give up. During class why don't you sit and listen to him? He has a voice like sex."_

Harry blushed bright red, _"Shut up Sal, you're such a pervert."_

"_And you young Harry are an absolute prude, one day you'll learn my way is far more fun,"_ He winked and stopped moving as they reached the door to the potions classroom, _"Go get him tiger."_

"_Fuck off,"_ Harry muttered.

"_Hmm that's not a bad idea,"_ He winked and wandered off.

ooooo

And so began the most uncomfortable potions class of Harry's life, and that is certainly saying something. All he could think of was Sal's words and description of Snape's voice. He found himself paying close attention to that particular voice and had to admit it was kind of sexy, only because he couldn't understand what the man was saying, if he had been able to understand him he was sure the voice wouldn't have the same effect.

Harry found, to his extreme embarrassment that he spent the entire class trying to fight down an erection. He totally ignored the Malfoy next to him who tried to get his attention and get him talking throughout the entire class.

The young Malfoy used what was obviously supposed his 'sexy' voice, compared to Snape it was nothing. The man had a voice that promised black satin sheets and alcohol; sounded like every forbidden thing you've ever wanted but couldn't have. It was the last piece of chocolate, the finest wine from the cellar of a collector, it was sex personified and wrapped up the package of…. Snape.

Greasy, cranky, big-nosed, nasty Snape. The most hated teacher of Hogwarts, death eater, head of Slytherin.

Harry watched him speculatively, as he yelled something incomprehensible at Neville who stared wide eyed and horrified at his bubbling potion. There was no denying the greasiness of his hair, but he was the potion's master, working with potions all the time would do that to you, he had always noticed his hair feeling lank after the class, most likely Snape had just given up after a while, it wasn't like it really mattered when he only had to take classes of kids after all. He did have a big nose, but it wasn't out of place, it suited him if you actually looked, any smaller would have looked odd.

Yes he was cranky, but the more he heard the less nasty he thought the man to be, worry and fear touched his words as he yelled at Neville. Had that always been there? He'd never noticed before, he'd never actually gotten past the fact that he was yelling to think about why.

In his mind he could hear that voice yelling his name over and over again, no longer full of anger but now fear, slowly though the voice took on different properties and Harry blushed in horror as he realised he was fantasizing about Snape in his potions class.

He quickly pulled his robe to make sure his front was covered, trying not to brush the front of his pants.

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**Well let me know what you think!  
**


	9. In which Harry is embarrassed

**I am so sorry! Things have been getting crazy busy with end of semester. I hope you all enjoy the chapter!**

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**Chapter Nine: In which Harry is embarrassed**

Harry practically flew out of the dungeons as soon as the lesson was over, he reached the great hall and took a few deep calming breaths. He performed his usual deflating ritual of imagining McGonagall in her underwear which did its job as always, with a slight shudder he walked in and took a seat. Harry quickly shovelled his food in as if that were why he had been in such a hurry to leave potions. Soon the others joined him and the hall was full of unintelligible conversation. Harry once more ignored them all and ate in his own personal bubble of silence.

Soon enough it was time to head to Care of Magical Creatures, Malfoy, sick of being ignored, decided it was time to push again.

"Oh finally, a class where Potty will actually come in handy, I knew they kept him around for a reason," the youngest Malfoy smirked.

Harry didn't have to understand to know a lame Malfoy insult when he heard it.

"_Why don't you go shag one of your cousins or something Malfoy? Obviously incest is allowed if you're anything to go by,"_ he ignored the blonde and kept walking until they reached Hagrid's hut.

"Oh hello Harry, is it true you can't understand anything anyone's saying?" the half giant asked, staring at the boy.

"Yes Hagrid, it's very true unfortunately," Hermione interceded.

Harry gave him a smile and looked around, Fang was nowhere to be seen, instead Hagrid seemed to have acquired a large familiar looking black and white dog. He hid the huge grin that threatened to break out over his face as the rest of the class arrived.

"Now, before we start I'd like everybody to say hello to the new addition to the class, this is Paddy, he'll be staying with me for a while, he belongs to one of the other professors so I want you to be good to him, say hello Paddy," Hagrid gestured at the students and the dog walked around sniffing everyone as he went.

When he reached Harry he gave the boy a big lick.

"Of course, Potter always seems to attract dirty mutts," Malfoy sniffed.

The dog finally seemed to notice the blonde and walked over to him before very deliberately lifting one leg.

"Paddy no!" Hagrid said sharply, the dog's ears drooped and he lowered his leg before walking stiffly back to Harry.

Grinning Harry knelt down and gave the dog a pat, _"Don't worry Sirius, Malfoy's just jealous I'm patting you instead of him,"_ He gave the dog a wink and stood back up.

Things worked out quite well, while the other listened to Hagrid for the rest of the lesson Harry played with "Paddy", sometimes it was fun when you couldn't understand.

"_So far my year is going great, the only person in the entire castle I can actually understand just sent me off to potions to fantasise about Snape,"_ Paddy cocked his head and Harry chuckled, _"That's right, Snape, your sworn nemesis."_

He paused and stared at the dog, _"This is where you bark in outrage and storm off to insult Snape and tell him to stay away from me, embarrassing both of us and accomplishing absolutely nothing."_

The dog just stared and gave him a big wet doggy kiss, Harry laughed.

"_Its ok, you don't have to, in fact I'd rather prefer you didn't, I don't think either of us wants to go through that whole hideous confrontation do we?"_

His only reply was a big doggy sneeze.

"_So how on earth did Remus manage to die your fur like that? I'm surprised you didn't attack him. Hey wait does that mean your hair is black and white too now?"_ Harry laughed at the mental image of a spotty Sirius looking very pissed off at one Remus Lupin.

Paddy tilted his head to the side wandering off to pick up a stick and bring it back Harry before sitting back on his haunches with a playful grin.

The boy rolled his eyes and picked up the stick, _"You're so strange sometimes Siri."_

_ooooo  
_

Before they left for History of Magic Hagrid had told Hermione they were welcome to bring Harry down to play with 'Paddy' anytime. The girl hid a smile, obviously Professor Lupin had not let the half giant in on Paddy's true form. It was probably better that way, what he didn't know couldn't hurt him.

Harry said his good byes to Sirius and promised to visit him as soon as possible, even sneak him into the castle if he could. The dog whimpered and set his puppy dog eyes to their maximum. With a final pat the trio made their way back to the castle for afternoon nap. Or History of Magic, whichever you want to call it.

"Well that's interesting," Hermione commented along the way, "I'm right in thinking that was Padfoot right Harry?"

He just watched the corridor, assuming she was talking to Ron.

"Oh right, I forgot, Ron?" she turned to her boyfriend.

"Of course it was, why else would he go straight to Harry and try to piss on Malfoy?" the redhead grinned at the memory.

"Then we definitely need to see Professor Lupin tonight," Hermione said as they reached the history of magic classroom.

As soon as they sat down the boys started yawning and Hermione pulled out her books rolling her eyes at the both of them.

Harry slipped into a dream, a highly inappropriate dream for during class.

Harry looked around suspiciously, he appeared to be somewhere in the dungeons.

"_Where the hell am I?"_ he hissed angrily.

"Oh Harry, you know what parseltongue does to me," a deep voice moaned.

The boy froze and turned slowly to see a naked Severus Snape lying the middle of a huge bed covered in black silk sheets.

"_Sir?"_ Harry asked a little shakily, _"How come I can understand you? Can you understand me?"_

The professor moaned once more, "Harry if you're not going to talk normally you can come here and face the consequences," he snarled a little breathlessly glaring at the boy, leaning up on his arms.

When Harry looked down he discovered his clothes were missing and he was most definitely interested in the man on the bed. He slowly climbed on the bed crawling to the where the professor lay, Snape grabbed his head and crushed their lips together.

Harry gave a low moan and woke up with a sharp jab to the ribs.

His eyes snapped open and he looked around wildly.

Hermione was blushing furiously, "Not during class Harry!" she hissed, her eyes looking straight ahead.

The boy-who-lived blushed furiously, obviously something had translated outside of his dream. Bugger.

ooooo

"Salazar?" Hermione called out, she turned to one of the portraits, "Would you please be able to find Salazar Slytherin and bring him here?"

"Okay," the young man answered excitedly, "I'll be right back, stay here!"

Hermione shook her head and looked at Ron, "I just have to talk to Harry about assignments for a little while, why don't you go up to the common room and start on your homework before we go see Professor Lupin?"

Ron blanched, "Maybe I'll go talk to the others for a while."

"Ronald!" she called after his rapidly disappearing back.

"What's this about assignments?" Sal asked lazily from the portrait frame.

"That's not actually it sir, would you be able to translate for us?" Hermione asked politely.

He gave a small shrug, "Sure, what's it about?"

She blushed furiously, "Could you please ask Harry what happened during History of Magic?"

Sal's eyebrow shot up, _"Harry what happened during History of Magic?"_

Harry flinched and blushed, _"Umm I fell asleep?"_

"_Oh really? And what did you dream about?" _he asked in amusement.

"_Uh first could you please ask Mione why she woke me up?"_

"He wants to know why you woke him up," Salazar informed the girl with a grin.

"He was breathing heavier than usual and then he… uh…. moaned," she looked at the ground, "Only quietly but I thought I'd better wake him up before anyone noticed."

The Slytherin laughed uproariously.

"_What?"_ Harry demanded quickly.

"_Oh my dear Harry, and here I thought you were such a prude. Apparently you started breathing heavily and then moaned, Hermione thought she had better wake you up before it got worse,_" he managed to get out between laughter.

Harry paled and looked horrified, _"Oh god, did I really? Please tell me you're lying again!"_

"_Sorry Harry,"_ the portrait snorted, _"This time it was all you."_

He let him suffer a moment more before he finished what he had to say, _"She stopped you before anyone else could notice, luckily you were only quiet."_

Harry gave Hermione a bone crushing hug, _"Thank you so much Mione, I'm really really sorry."_

She patted his back as Salazar translated, "He says thank you for waking him and he's sorry for doing that to you."

"Can you ask him if he can tell me what he was dreaming about? Am I right in assuming it was of a sexual nature?" Hermione asked carefully.

Sal snorted, _"She still wants to know what you were dreaming about and is she right in assuming it was of a sexual nature?"_

His face found a new shade of red as he released her and looked away, _"Yes she's right but I'd rather not tell her who it was."_

"_Was it Severus?"_ Harry's head jerked up and Slytherin smirked, "Yes you were right but he'd prefer not to tell you."

"Can you just ask him one more thing?" she took a deep breath and plunged on, "Was it a man?"

Sal bit back a grin, _"She wants to know if it was a man."_

Harry made a small choking noise, _"Stop lying Sal."_

"_This time I swear on Merlin's beard I'm telling the honest truth,"_ the founder grinned.

"_Then tell her yes it was,"_ Harry said in defeat.

"Yep, it was but he won't say who."

"That's alright," she said hugging the boy, "I thought so but I wanted to make sure. Let him know that we're going to visit Remus now, would you be able to come along?"

"I'll meet you outside your common room and follow you there," he promised, _"Harry, she just wanted to know, she doesn't have a problem with it. Don't worry about it. You guys are going to go see Remus now, I'll meet you outside the common room so you'd better hurry."_

Harry relaxed into the hug and looked into Hermione's eyes, _"She really doesn't have a problem?"_

"_Well it certainly doesn't seem that way."_

He disengaged himself from her arms and took a step back.

Harry took a deep breath, _"Hermione, I think I'm gay but please don't tell anyone else."_

Sal quickly relaying it to the girl.

She pulled Harry into another tight hug, "Of course not Harry, I'm just glad you told me, you shouldn't have to keep these things to yourself, its not good for you."

Salazar winked and wandered off.

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**Well I hope you guys enjoyed it, don't forget to let me know what you thought!**


	10. In Which Remus Finally Appears

**Hi everyone, I know its been a horrendously long time. This chapter has been a long time coming and here it finally is. I hope it will be the start of many more to come. I would like to thank all of you who have kept reading and reviewing this, and a special thank you to Jackalin Friday13 whose message convinced me to finally do something about it, and Laurenke1 whose amazing stories have reinspired my love of Harry Potter.**

**Hope you enjoy it!**

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**Chapter Ten: In Which Remus Finally Makes an Appearance.**

As soon as Remus opened the door he pulled Harry into a bone crushing hug. When he finally let him go, he smiled, gesturing them in. His tiredness was obvious in every move and he waited until they were all seated before he said anything.

"So how is everyone?" Remus asked with a tired smile.

"We're good," Hermione replied looking around, "Professor Lupin do you have any animate portraits? It's the only way we can talk to Harry."

"Just a moment, I have one in my office. And what have I told you about calling me that in private?" He went to fetch the portrait and came back with a rather large portrait of a stuffy looking old man, he hung it on a spare wall space and stood back.

They all blinked when the old man was shoved out of the way and replaced with Salazar Slytherin.

"Ah of course, welcome sir. I'm Remus Lupin, this year's Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher," Remus greeted him taking a seat once more.

"Nice to meet you Professor Lupin," Sal grinned, "Aren't you one of the boys who used to play tricks on Severus?"

Remus blushed and cleared his throat, "Ah yes sir, I really must apologise for that. We did some truly horrible things to him."

"And some bloody hilarious things if I remember correctly," Salazar smirked, "Severus really is such a prude sometimes. _In that way the two of you compliment each other perfectly."_

"_What the hell are you talking about? Who compliments each other perfectly?"_ Harry just looked confused, _"Are you going to translate or what?"_

"_Of course Harry, just getting to know Remus,"_ Sal smirked, "He's getting a little impatient, what were you wanting to discuss?"

Remus looked uncomfortable, "I am assuming nothing will leave this room?"

Sal nodded tolerantly.

"Good, well I am guessing you have already seen Sirius," Remus gave a small smile.

Hermione and Ron nodded, _"He said you've seen someone called Sirius?"_

Harry nodded, _"Sirius Black, my godfather I ran into him during Care of Magical Creatures."_

"Yes he said he saw him during Care of Magical Creatures," Sal relayed, "May I ask why this seems to be so strange?"

"Because Sirius is a wanted criminal sir, he was falsely imprisoned and escaped but unfortunately we have not yet been able to clear his name," Hermione explained.

"So he took on his animagus form and I dyed his fur just in case and asked Hagrid to look after him, its actually part of my teaching contract that my pet dog "Paddy" will be looked after and kept safe," Remus smirked.

The founder looked at the man for a moment before he burst out laughing, "Well done, I assume the headmaster was in on this?"

"He decided on the wording himself," Remus grinned, "It's the last place anyone will look."

Noting the look of impatience Sal quickly explained everything and Harry joined in the laughter.

"_The name Marauders was well earned,"_ Sal chuckled.

"_Don't tell me that, tell Remus,"_ Harry grinned, _"You Slytherins think you have the monopoly on cunning…"_

"_Yes but Gryffindor's are downright tricksters. I think its because you seem so bloody honourable but I could tell you some stories about Godric-"_

"_I don't want to hear any more of your stories!"_ Harry glared.

Sal laughed, "Sorry, just a little banter, argumentative lad isn't he?"

They sat and chatted until curfew, as Harry went to leave Remus pulled him over to the occupied portrait.

"Harry, please visit Siri as often as you can, I know it would mean a lot to him," Remus said softly.

Sal repeated him word for word for once, Harry patted him on the shoulder.

"_Of course Remus, You just make sure you do too, it'd look strange if a professor didn't spend much time with his own pet,"_ the boy grinned.

Remus blushed slightly at the pet comment and Harry and Sal exchanged knowing glances.

"Don't worry Remus, if what I've heard is true Harry has an invisibility cloak which I'm sure you could borrow," Sal winked and left his frame.

oooooo

Harry made sure his silencing charms were firmly in place before he slept that night. If he had any dreams at all by the morning they were forgotten.

Even so, he couldn't help glancing at the head table and a particular man seated there.

Greasy git! He reminded himself, but it didn't help, still he tried. At least he wouldn't have him for classes until the next week. Hopefully by then he would have forgotten it all.

He felt the glare upon him and looked around in confusion, who had he upset recently? As he looked to the head table he saw Snape glaring and saw the small pot cleaning gesture that had come to symbolise detention.

Harry paled, he had completely forgotten about detention, he'd gotten so caught up in talking to Remus that he hadn't even given it a second thought.

Snape stood with a loud screeching noise of his chair sliding backwards. It was an ominous sign for all, only Harry knew where the Slytherin's rage was soon to be aimed.

The black robed man swept down to the Gryffindor table and dragged Harry away by the collar. He made his way to the nearest portrait.

"Get Salazar Slytherin immediately or I shall get the paint stripper and dissolve you permanently," Snape ordered furiously.

He let go of Harry's collar and stood there impatiently while they waited for the founder.

"Goodness me Severus, already angry so early in the day? You really need to watch your blood pressure," Sal said in amusement.

"Tell Potter that I do not appreciate it when students skip detention," Snape growled.

Salazar sighed, _"Harry, you really shouldn't skip detention you know."_

"_I honestly didn't mean to, I guess I'm just not into the swing of detentions yet. I completely forgot about it,"_ Harry said quickly.

"_You completely forgot you were supposed to spend time alone with Severus?"_ Sal raised an eyebrow.

Harry fought down his blush, _"Not now Sal."_

"_Why? Its not like he understands any of it," _Sal sniffed.

"_Yeah but I know what you're saying,_" Harry hissed.

"_Oh fine,"_ he shook his head, "Harry asked me to apologise, he completely forgot about it. But he'll make it up to you any way you like."

Snape rolled his eyes, "Salazar please just stick to the actual translation. Tell Potter his detention will last an extra two days next week to make up for skipping detention, next time there will be more."

Snape whirled around dramatically and headed for the dungeons.

oooooo

Harry was feeling quite happy and relaxed after an afternoon double of Playing With Sirius, as he now called Care of Magical Creatures.

He was smiling when he arrived at the potions classroom for this detention, Snape was sitting behind his desk marking as usual. However in the middle of the room a rather ornate chess set was set up.

"I see you've decided to actually turn up today Mr Potter," Snape said acidly looking up from his papers.

Harry flinched and closed the door behind him, he couldn't understand the man's words but the tone was unmistakeable.

"_Sorry you greasy old bat, I was busy… well not being here basically_," Harry kept his tone conciliatory, _"Next time you want an autograph maybe I should just come to your rooms, make things easier."_

Snape rolled his eyes and stood, "Potter I am sure even with your minimal intellect you have realised by now that I cannot understand a word you are saying," he walked over to the chess set and sat down.

"_Sorry sir, I don't think you would really be welcome in the tower, I really think we would be better off in your rooms,"_ Harry said with a smile as he sat opposite the potion's master.

"All right Potter, dazzle me with your pathetic strategy skills and non existent patience," Snape drawled.

"_Are you always this forward professor?"_ Harry asked raising an eyebrow, _"And that's not really any of your business is it?"_

"Just make your move Potter," he growled.

"_Professor,"_ Harry said making his first move, _"No need to get upset, I didn't mean it, I'm just not very good at flirting. Neither are you I imagine."_

Severus was glad there was a table between them. Harry's hissing was doing something to his anatomy that his student shouldn't know about, not if he wanted to keep his job.

"Potter, if you had any brains at all you would stop talking, it's really not appropriate, hissing like that, especially to a Slytherin. You're playing with fire boy," Snape growled lowly.

Harry held back his shiver, _"Fine I take it back Sevvie poo, your talking IS flirting. I swear, your voice should be illegal, I'm sure it counts as an illegal substance, aphrodisiac or something,"_ he fought as hard as he could to keep his tone casual.

If the man actually realised what he was saying he would be in huge trouble.

Severus just sighed resignedly as Harry hissed away for the entire game, it was a wonder he still managed to win even with his…distraction.

Snape moved his final piece into place, smirking slightly as Harry groaned in realisation, "Check mate Mr Potter," Perhaps it was shallow but he found he quite enjoyed crushing his student so thoroughly.

Without a word the game packed itself away and the potions master stood with a flourish, "Good night Potter, I shall see you again tomorrow for your next detention," he made the gesture for detention and swirled out, his cloak billowing behind him as he left to take care of a rather pressing need.

Harry was left in his chair, he ran a hand through messy dark hair and grinned, if this was detention, bring it on. He could handle listening to Snape while they played a surprisingly civil game of chess, the trick was, he just had to keep the man talking.

Harry Potter smirked, that, he could do.


	11. In which things get complicated

**I know its been a very long time, I'm so very very sorry. Thank you to everyone for your lovely reviews urging me to continue, I'll do my best to keep less than a year between uploads. Hopefully things will start to flow better.**

**I hope you enjoy, thanks for sticking around!  
**

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**Chapter Eleven: In which things get complicated**

Harry hummed as he followed his friends down to breakfast, although to the others it sounded like a low, constant hissing, a sound which put not only his friends, but also everyone else on edge.

Ron and Hermione's cheeks blazed as they guarded their friend with glares and openly held wands; Seamus leered appraisingly but thought better when the well-built redhead glared him down.

"Fucking hell, why won't he just stop that?" Ron grumbled.

"He doesn't know what it sounds like from an outside perspective Ron, it's not his fault," Hermione soothed, patting her boyfriend's arm.

"Sounds like the mating call of the four-eyed loser," Draco Malfoy smirked as he pushed his way past the trio.

While everyone else was focused on the ensuing fight between Malfoy and Ron, Harry was instead watching a rather more interesting exchange between Blaise Zabini and Seamus. His dorm-mate bit his lip and SHIVERED as a smug looking Zabini whispered something in his ear, a lingering touch brushing his hip and trailing across his backside.

And then he could hear Snape's voice and his attention was drawn away from the strange pair.

"WEASLEY AND MALFOY!" Snape roared as he separated the two with his wand, "I had hoped that with Potter effectively silenced we might have some measure of peace for a while. I see now that hope was clearly in vain, Weasley, detention with Filch, Malfoy you will have detention with myself and Potter, perhaps with the two of you separated we might get some peace and quiet."

The two boys glared at one another, but they knew better than to argue, "And Potter!" Snape rounded on the boy-who-lived and Harry froze, going silent, "Good, do that again and I'll silence you myself."

The professor stalked up to the table for breakfast, that low seductive hiss had been grating on him since the moment he'd entered the great hall. And jumping a student in full view of the student body and faculty seemed like a terrible career move, although, the many, many ways he could think of to silence the boy were not exactly G-rated either.

"_Geez what's everyone's problem today? I was having such a good morning too,"_ Harry moped as he ate his breakfast, completely unaware of the conversation that flowed around him.

Instead, he indulged in his latest hobby, people watching. He almost blushed at the uncountable intimate little touches his two best friends exchanged, he tried not to laugh at the glances Seamus and Zabini shot one another across the hall, which led him to the most unsettling thing, every time he looked up at the Slytherin table, Malfoy looked away, the glances the other was giving him were…. almost predatory.

He wasn't entirely sure what Malfoy was planning but he was fairly certain it couldn't be good.

OOOOOOOOOOOO

Harry's day took a turn for the better once more when they arrived at their first Defence Against the Dark Arts class with Remus, after breakfast he was incredibly glad to see a cheerful face.

Even better, it turned out Remus was a master of non-verbal communication, possibly a remnant of his wolf-form, maybe it was just part of his personality. Either way, Harry actually learnt something! It was actually sort of exciting. Even as the sandy-haired man's voiced washed over him incomprehensibly, he took in his stance, his confidence, the way he held his wand, the way he moved, everything. No wonder they all learnt so much from the man, this wasn't a job for him, this wasn't a joke, everything was serious. From the moment he lifted his wand, he was living in a memory, a serious encounter where performing the correct spell was a life or death matter, he didn't panic, didn't fumble, calmly and confidently he used the best spell he had in his repertoire, confident that it would do what it was supposed to do and that he would survive it.

Harry smiled, there was no need for yelling and blustering in Remus's class, he received respect because he gave it in return. The man obviously enjoyed teaching; it kind of made him wonder why Snape was a teacher….

Harry shook his head to drag his wandering mind back to the current class, it seemed downright stupid not to pay attention in the only class he actually learnt something.

Or so he told himself, really, letting his mind wander to the potions master was becoming a dangerous pastime.

Charms was also interesting, but in a different sort of way, usually Harry spent the lesson trying to say the words correctly, Hermione was always picking up their pronunciation, and their movements, and their… well, everything really. Without the words to focus on though, Harry found himself actually WATCHING the Professor, he watched how he moved, the smooth fluid gestures and the quick, sharp flicks, he watched intently a few times before practising the movement silently, he wasn't entirely sure what it was for, but he kinda figured if he at least got the movement down he'd be able to learn the right words to go with it later.

Their tiny professor came over and gestured excitedly, saying something incomprehensible to the rest of the class and suddenly Harry found the whole class watching him suddenly. Professor Flitwick said something again and stared expectantly, behind him Harry saw Hermione wave her wand and gesture towards him. The boy who lived nodded in understanding and repeated the movement he had been practising and the Professor smiled again and gestured to the rest of the class who continued their own practise.

Fuck. Harry shoved his wand back in his pocket and rested his head on his hands. He was NOT practising anymore. Not if that was going to happen again.

OOOOOOOO

Sal's portrait just stared at him with a highly amused expression as he stalked his way to lunch, _"So let me get this straight, you're upset because you were used as an example of exemplary wand work?"_

Harry huffed, _"When you say it it sounds so…_

"_Stupid?"_ Sal supplied, _"That's because it is Harry, surely being recognised for good work is a positive thing."_

"_I'm just…. I'm sick of people fucking staring!"_ he groused at the founder, _"Wherever I go they're all just WATCHING."_

"_That, my dear Harry, is because the vast majority of them want to jump your bones,"_ the portrait informed him very matter-of-factly as he was about to enter the Great Hall.

Harry choked and froze where he was, _"They fucking do not! Just because Draco has been star-"_

The other man's grin grew to shit-eating proportions, _"Draco huh? Sounds as though my Slytherins are hoping for a Gryffindor of their very own~"_

Harry just shook his head and stormed into the hall, taking his seat, hissing angrily.

Malfoy, of all people, did NOT want to jump hi- he just didn't want him, in any shape or form. So there.

The Gryffindors around Harry all jumped and went silent for a moment when Harry's head hit the table with a rather solid sounding 'thunk'.

He groaned and hissed into the table, _"I have fucking detention with Malfoy tonight…. Shit."_

Detention with Malfoy. Detention with Snape. Both of those things bothered him for two very different reasons.

He worried that Malfoy would try and jump him.

Or he'd try and jump Snape.

Also he had a rather lovely headache developing in his frontal lobe.

And he'd said 'so there' in his head.

"_Fuuuuck…."_

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_**The end, for now anyways. Looking forward to detention!**  
_


	12. In which Harry gets a Hell of a Shock

**Hi guys, sorry its taken so long, shitloads of really shithouse shit has been happening, been a bit shit really.**

**Anyway, hope you enjoy!**

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**Chapter Twelve: In which Harry gets a Hell of a Shock**

Harry ate his dinner very, VERY slowly that night, dreading what was to come, as was Ron. Malfoy though… he'd finished his meal almost as soon as he'd started, a feat he'd never accomplished before, even his Slytherin cronies looked surprised.

The blonde sat hiding his eagerness badly as he cast frequent glances at Snape, or Harry, whichever one wasn't looking at him at the time.

Snape stared down at his Godson, Draco NEVER fidgeted, ever. He ate meals at a dignified pace and left his plate tidy, he DIDN'T race through his meal at a pace befitting a Weasley and leave his plate in worse condition than a pig trough. His eyes narrowed as the blonde in question glanced over at Harry Potter and his cheeks tinted pink, ho boy. Severus growled under his breath, he was well aware of the effect Harry's hissing had on Slytherins, and Draco was about as Slytherin as they came. Obviously Draco was hoping for some one on one time with Potter in detention.

Like hell.

The Professor waited until he judged Harry to be almost finished and stood, his chair screeching dramatically as it slid backwards, when Potter's eyes locked with his he made the cleaning gesture that had come to represent detention. The brunette nodded and started shovelling in the last of his meal. As he made his way to the exit Snape walked past the Slytherin table.

"Draco," he said quietly, "Don't be late."

Draco's cheeks tinted pink once again, there was a whole lot of implied meaning behind those words, he looked into his Godfather's eyes and nodded. Professor Snape nodded in return and with a dramatic swirl of his robes the man was gone.

Glancing at the Gryffindor table, Draco Malfoy stood and made a rather dignified exit (even if he did say so himself).

OOOOO

Harry raced through the dungeons, he was NOT going to be late, Sal lectured him as he ran through the portraits that lined the walls.

"_-you just need to eat until you're no longer hungry. If you didn't insist on stuffing yourself you'd-"_

Okay, so maybe he took a route with as few portraits as possible, what of it?

"_-you're good Severus might give you a little something extra to ea-"_

Harry ALMOST pulled up short at that, as it was his cheeks turned a spectacular shade of red. Although he was a little disturbed to realise just how used to this sort of conversation he was becoming.

His lungs were burning when suddenly everything blurred and stopped and Harry found himself pressed against the wall, held there by a thoroughly pleased looking Malfoy.

"Merlin, what are you doing to me Harry?" Draco asked, his breathing growing slightly ragged at the other teen's dishevelled appearance.

"_M-Malfoy?"_ Harry hissed nervously, glancing up the hallway towards the potions classroom, _"Come on Draco, we'll be late and Snape will-"_

His sentence was interrupted by a rather insistent pair of lips pressed against his, one hand stayed pressing against his chest while the other moved to tangle in brunette hair. It was kinda obvious, even to Harry, that Malfoy had a bit of experience at this whole kissing thing, enough at least not to have Harry pushing him away, not yet at least.

"MALFOY! POTTER! Enough! You're late, potions room, now," Snape thundered, pointing down the hall for Potter's benefit.

Harry managed the presence of mind to push Malfoy away, ducking his head sheepishly as he slipped past teacher and fellow student, unable to meet either of their eyes.

When he was out of sight Snape pushed his smirking Slytherin against the wall Harry had so recently vacated, sneering at his Godson.

"Touch him again, try to take advantage before the spell is broken you will answer to me, are we clear Draco?" the potion's professor growled, his fury just barely kept in check at the very idea.

The young blonde's eyes widened and he nodded, after all Draco was, above all, a complete and utter coward.

"What was that Draco? I didn't quite hear you," he growled, eyes flinty.

Draco swallowed; he had never been on the receiving end of this kind of fury from his Godfather, "Yes Sir."

"Good," Snape released the boy and pushed him towards the potions classroom, it was only natural he be infuriated at his Godson taking advantage of a boy in no position to resist or call for help right?

Right?

"Because of your actions Malfoy, you will be cleaning the first year's cauldrons…. solo. Potter can join me for a game of chess," inwardly he rejoiced a little at Draco giving him a reason to keep his deal with Harry secret, it wouldn't do to be seen going lightly on a student.

Severus Snape summoned his chess set once more, taking a seat and gesturing for Potter to drag a seat over, which he did, shooting nervous glances in Draco's direction. The blonde kept his lip clenched tightly between his teeth to stop the complaints that wished to make themselves known, with his current mood he barely dared look at his head of house.

"_Er, Snapey old boy? Isn't our detention arrangement supposed to be a secret? Th-this isn't you introducing me to the family is it?"_ He attempted with a bravado he DEFINITELY didn't feel, not after Malfoy's kiss.

And certainly not after Snape's explosion. Seriously, holy-fucking-shit, what was that?! He had NEVER seen that kind of fury coming from Snape, not even directed at himself, he'd heard the saying about fury rolling off someone in waves, that was exactly what had been happening. He'd practically felt it. All over a kiss.

At least it was a hell of a kiss?

From the wrong detention-mate though.

He pouted and leaned his elbow on the table. A kiss from Snape… would make Malfoy's kiss look like a first time. It would be smooth and experienced, no awkward fumbling, hard with an edge of softness that would be enough to wash away his insecurities. And when he finally pulled away the Professor would have a sexy, satisfied smirk in place, he'd give some sort of sarcastic comment along the lines of '_adequate Potter, practice is highly recommended, I could find time to tutor if you are amenable'_. A little shiver ran through him as he imagined it….

…before his eyes focused on the hand waving in front of his face, seeing he had his attention Snape gestured to the table with an exasperated expression. Harry blushed brightly, if only the man knew exactly what had him so distracted. He'd have permanent detention. With Filch.

It was quite obvious his young student was somewhat… distracted, if the blushes and shudders that occasionally came over him were anything to judge by. Each time Harry's turn came the professor had to wave to drag his attention from whatever had his eyes glazing over and made him nibble at his bottom lip until Snape wanted to take over for him.

Just because he was middle-aged didn't mean his libido had slowed, far from it, the only slowing was the forced kind that came of living in a school. Surrounded by students. Who were hissing at him like a snake in human form. Making him want to do very inappropriate things with Harry's sna-

"Draco," Severus said without turning, "I believe you may have broken Potter, if you'd prefer no other professor finds out about your actions you'd best leave," he said decisively.

Perhaps if his godson was gone from the room Potter would calm down and be able to focus, Merlin knew he couldn't send the boy back to his dorm in his current state.

"P-Professor?" Draco questioned, looking up in surprise, he didn't dare stop his scrubbing, just in case, he'd never seen his godfather as furious as his previous outburst and he didn't really want to see it again.

"Go away, I'll deal with you later, I can't send Potter back like this. Unless you want to explain your actions to McGonagall you have three seconds to make yourself extremely scarce," Professor Snape said with surprising evenness, through his teeth, at a growl.

"What… but…" Draco began.

"One," Severus counted as the young blonde bolted.

"_Phew, not sure what that was but you sure as hell told him Sevvie,"_ Harry blinked and stared after Draco with a building trepidation, at least with Draco around he had to control himself. With just Snape around it was getting… awkward…

The Professor stared between Harry and the door his godson so recently occupied and his chest caught a little bit, that looked like…. Disappointment?

Of course, after all, who wouldn't want the beautiful young blonde? Particularly when you couldn't understand a word that came out of his ridiculously well-formed lips.

Suddenly exhausted, Severus sighed and waved away the chess set, "You can go to him Potter, I understand, go finish your snog, waste that fantastic Quidditch toned arse on the awkward fumblings of another teenage boy," he said tired, gesturing towards the door.

He didn't even wait for Harry to leave before slamming the door to his own quarters.

Harry winced at the sound, what the fuck was wrong with the Slytherins?

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